guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize