By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
