a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
