I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
