i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
