God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
