i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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