Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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