You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
