Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it glows. i had to have it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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