Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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