so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
