I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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