idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I will be naked everywhere
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
wow bdsm is so cute
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
