I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
my liver is dry heaving
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
