bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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