At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
