atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
