Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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