Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
