You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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