Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize