he wants to bone in the snuggie
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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