i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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