Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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