come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
