now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
