I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
