Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
