It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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