So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
