AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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