he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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