I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
