If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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