Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
