Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My feet surprised me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
