here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
