Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
