sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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