Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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