the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
