Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize