You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
