He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
