Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
