pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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