Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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