I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
