i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
