I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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