Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
