is your mom at the bar?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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