she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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