is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
