Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
