Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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