I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
