you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
