my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
