I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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