In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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