These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
