Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize