HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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