My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
