he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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