i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
