Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
