There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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