So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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