You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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