Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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