woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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