A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
