one might say we're banned from that church
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
