he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
