If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Welp...herpes.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
