Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
