on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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