What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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