i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
