I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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