Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
