Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
