I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
