brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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