he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
