Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
