Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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