I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
