She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
