i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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