I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
